i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Bring me that man meat
Those nachos came to me in a dream
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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