At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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