I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
