I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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