I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
