I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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