i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
