it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
