Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
My liver just had a heart attack.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
