Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
