When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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