i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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