she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
