Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
