I accidentally burped into my bong.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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