Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
