The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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