Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
