I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
