Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
