Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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