Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
