so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
