I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
