Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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