I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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