R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
