i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
