If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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