the new term for farting is butt boxing.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
