Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
