your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
