i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
