My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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