She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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