but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
