can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
