he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
