yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
