I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
