She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Randomize
