I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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