I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
