she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
