Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
