even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
