I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
zippers are such a cool invention
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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