Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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