He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
