I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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