I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
